An Irishman, an Englishman, a hot blonde and a fat girl get on the underground. They go into a tunnel and the lights go out and suddenly they all hear a loud slap. When the lights come on, the Englishman has a big red handprint on his face. The blonde thinks: 'Oh, the Englishman must have made a move for me, but fondled that fat woman by mistake and she slapped him'. The fat woman thinks: 'Hmm, that Englishman! tried to put the moves on that blonde and got slapped. Good for her.' The Englishman thinks: 'Hey, that Irishman must have went for the blonde and she slapped me by mistake!' The Irishman thinks: 'Boy, I hope we go through another tunnel, so I can wallop that English fucker again'.

Maybe Lydon won't be as controversial as we think. It's one thing being in front of the camera's with an interviewer - completely different living on an island with a few people. I say stick 'em there for 6 months. If anyone can't last a week in 'difficult' circumstances they ain't made of much.

thanks lewis not that keen on going myself it`s the wife who wants to go????. only joking cant wait to meet with some of you lot for the gig talk soon see ya

Beginning to feel tempted with Glasgow as there is now no Newcastle gig on the horizon. I can get a train at 4.30 will get me to the bar by 7.30pm. Train fare showing at £22.00, any chance of me getting a ticket (or blagging my way in?) Someone persuade me please!

I'll get you ticket if you want one jackie.

Think Glasgow has sold out, Ticketmaster is saying no tickets available. But 'I know a girl' so let me know.

If you can get me a ticket for Glasgow I would be grateful Alex. Is the train fare £22 return Jackie. Almost beats taking the car. It will probably take me about 3 hours to drive, so don't expect to arrive til' after 8pm. Just had a car repair last week, which will probably mean having to knock Germany and Holland on the head. So Glasgow might be only gig for a few month. Plus the Visa bill has arrived. Wish Santa would get his own bloody credit card and stop using mine!