After attending the funeral of a Chelsea mouse killed by an 80 year old lady with a broom, three mice, one from Liverpool, one from Manchester and one from Glasgow are sitting in a bar trying to impress each other with how tough they are. The Liverpool mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass on the bar and says 'When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with cheese'.

The Manchester mouse orders two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after the other, slams down both glasses onto the bar, turns to the Liverpudlian mouse and says, 'Oh yeah ? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up into powder and stir it in my coffee so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day'.The Liverpool mouse and the Manchester mouse then turn to the Glasgow mouse. The Glaswegian mouse finishes his beer and lets out a long sigh, saying to the other two, 'I've heard enough O this shìte, Ah'm awa hame tae shàg the cat'.

Meanwhile the Belfast and Derry mice drink each other under the table, wake up the next morning covered in blood and vomit and blame everybody else but themselves for their terrible hangovers!

Boom boom! Has this turned into a bad joke site overnight. No jokes from me - can't ever remember any. Just one for Cliff as presumably he was able to provide a major contribution to his brother's research for his literary masterpiece ;)

Lindsay - surely it can't get any badder!!!

Does your brother support West Brom as well Cliff:) Its your fault that I always look to see the WBA score on Sat and last week I thought of Arthur when I saw the Man city score. I also ended up going to four games last year which is more than Ive seen my whole life. I think this site has infected me with a football virus. Even Wilke has started going to glasgow for games at the weekend. Theres no escape.

i know donald but i still hate the game and god knows when i will be at the next one ok people talk soon see ya ps great to see you back on the site arthur